Please translate the following sentence:
"So are you in a Keeper league?"
Translation:
"Do you draft a completely new team each year or can you keep players from last year's team?"
"You kept your WR for your keeper league? What were you thinking?"
Translation:
"Of all the players from the team you had last year, you decided to keep the Wide Receiver and make sure he was on your team again this year? Are you stupid?"
Let's try another one:
"A Kicker? In round 3? Really?"
Translation:
You are using your 3rd pick of the draft to select a place kicker? Are you stupid?"
Try this one:
"Vick's going to have an even better year now that he has some targets but his O-line has to do a better job of protecting him"
Translation:
"Michael Vick, Quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, is going to produce even more fantasy points this season than he did last year because now he has better Wide Receivers to catch more of his passes but the Offensive line players need to keep the defense from hitting him before he has a chance to throw the ball."
Like any subculture, there is a unique vocabulary within Fantasy Football. Unfortunately, Rosetta Stone does not offer a course on this particular dialect. You're only way of learning it is immersion into the culture. Be very careful and avoid overreaching. DO NOT just repeat terms you've heard the older kids say. You are very likely to say something completely inappropriate and out yourself as a complete poser. You'll lose all credibility. Even if your team wins, people will just assume your getting your information from your brother-in-law or some sports talk show. Again, nod, smile and laugh along with everybody else until you know what you are saying.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Gameday
First, watch your language. Chances are good things could go horribly wrong today. Your starters could be seriously underperforming and your bench, (the players that are not starting) could be seriously overachieving. Unfortunately for you, you can't win with bench points. Only points scored by your starters will count. Depending on where you are when you see the live updated scoring for the first time, it could be very embarrassing. For instance, if you are looking at your scores on your iPhone as you are walking out of the church service and everyone getting into their cars hears you cussing out Steven Jackson again, it could be a long uncomfortable ride home. Not that I know anything about that from first hand experience.
This is what makes Fantasy Football so mesmerizing. You could have pored over scouting reports all week long and looked at injury updates and read predictions by all the so-called "experts" and still lose. Your starting QB could injured in the first play of the game and instead of getting 40+ points from him, you get 0. Once the games start, you can't change your lineup so even if your starter gets hurt, you can't just start the QB on your bench.
As the day progresses, you'll find yourself almost oblivious to the actual scores of the games; those scores mean nothing to you. You don't win your matchup even if the team your star RB plays for wins their game. You only get points from your starting lineup stats. So if the Rams actually win by going to the passing game instead of handing the ball off to Steven Jackson, like they said they were gonna do, which is why you used your first pick in the draft to select him, it doesn't do you any good. The Rams are happy because they won their game but since Steven Jackson only carried the ball for 18 yds he only gained 1 Fantasy point. Meanwhile, your opponent's RB, Frank Gore got the ball 12 times and carried it for 211 yds with 2 TDs and scored 32 Fantasy points. So eventhough I am a Rams fan, I could care less about their win because I'm too busy cussing out Steven Jackson. This leads to much confusion by your wife who thought you'd be excited about the Rams winning a game.
Gameday is a dizzying swirl of numbers and stats. You'll find yourself tuning into games involving teams you don't care about simply because your WR plays for them. With each play you'll hit the refresh button on your computer, eventhough it refreshes automatically every 60 seconds. If you happen to be at a restaurant because someone invited you out after church, you'll be completely uninvolved in the conversation and glued to the games on those big beautiful hi-def screens they have all over the place.
If you happen to make some good choices and start winning, you'll never be able to simply watch football again. You'll have the same satisfaction that gamblers get without actually gambling. With each victory, you'll become more and more impressed with your own brilliance. You'll soon have an exaggerated view of your own intelligence. If you happen to make all the right moves and end your first season with a winning record or even the league trophy, you'll be hooked for life. And then when someone says something about trading Chad Ochocinco, who has scored only 23 pts all season, for Wes Welker who is scoring 40+ pts every week, you'll laugh out loud with everyone else and actually know why you're laughing.
This is what makes Fantasy Football so mesmerizing. You could have pored over scouting reports all week long and looked at injury updates and read predictions by all the so-called "experts" and still lose. Your starting QB could injured in the first play of the game and instead of getting 40+ points from him, you get 0. Once the games start, you can't change your lineup so even if your starter gets hurt, you can't just start the QB on your bench.
As the day progresses, you'll find yourself almost oblivious to the actual scores of the games; those scores mean nothing to you. You don't win your matchup even if the team your star RB plays for wins their game. You only get points from your starting lineup stats. So if the Rams actually win by going to the passing game instead of handing the ball off to Steven Jackson, like they said they were gonna do, which is why you used your first pick in the draft to select him, it doesn't do you any good. The Rams are happy because they won their game but since Steven Jackson only carried the ball for 18 yds he only gained 1 Fantasy point. Meanwhile, your opponent's RB, Frank Gore got the ball 12 times and carried it for 211 yds with 2 TDs and scored 32 Fantasy points. So eventhough I am a Rams fan, I could care less about their win because I'm too busy cussing out Steven Jackson. This leads to much confusion by your wife who thought you'd be excited about the Rams winning a game.
Gameday is a dizzying swirl of numbers and stats. You'll find yourself tuning into games involving teams you don't care about simply because your WR plays for them. With each play you'll hit the refresh button on your computer, eventhough it refreshes automatically every 60 seconds. If you happen to be at a restaurant because someone invited you out after church, you'll be completely uninvolved in the conversation and glued to the games on those big beautiful hi-def screens they have all over the place.
If you happen to make some good choices and start winning, you'll never be able to simply watch football again. You'll have the same satisfaction that gamblers get without actually gambling. With each victory, you'll become more and more impressed with your own brilliance. You'll soon have an exaggerated view of your own intelligence. If you happen to make all the right moves and end your first season with a winning record or even the league trophy, you'll be hooked for life. And then when someone says something about trading Chad Ochocinco, who has scored only 23 pts all season, for Wes Welker who is scoring 40+ pts every week, you'll laugh out loud with everyone else and actually know why you're laughing.
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